The following text is an excerpt from one of the famous monologues by the late "national comic actor" Tato Bores. His genius still helps us laugh without ceasing to reflect. Taking responsibility instead of always blaming others for what happens to us will be the only way we can move forward as individuals, companies, and a country.
“The Minister of Economy is to blame for everything,” one said.
"No, sir!" said the Minister of Economy, searching for a mango under the baseboard.
Tax evaders are to blame for everything.
Lies! said the evaders while collecting the 50% under the table and the other 50% also under the table. It's all the fault of those who want to kill us with so much tax.
"False!" said the DGI (General Directorate of Taxes) as they prepared a new sneeze tax. The blame for it all lies with the contractor country; they took all the money.
"But please!" said a businessman from the contractor's homeland while collecting tolls at the entrance to public schools. "It's all the fault of those from the financial homeland."
"Slander!" said a banker as he deposited his mother's money for seven days.
It's all the fault of the corrupt people who have no morals.
"You're wrong!" said a corrupt official while selling a book for $100 called "Do Your Own Job," which, in reality, only contained blank pages. It's all the fault of the bureaucracy that drives up public spending.
"It's not true!" said a public employee, scratching his belly with one hand and his butt with the other. It's all the fault of the politicians who promise one thing for us and do another for themselves.
"That's pure evil!" said a congressman, asking where the Congress building was. "It's all the fault of the landowners who left us nothing."
"Bullshit!" said a landowner, counting hectares, cows, sheep, and farmhands, recalling old trips to France and yearning for the pleasure of throwing butter on the roof. It's all the communists' fault.
"Perverts!" said the local Politburo as they issued a line for mourning. The Trotskyist guerrillas are to blame for everything.
"Verse!" said a guerrilla as he assembled a car bomb to save humanity. It's all the fascists' fault.
"Bad guys!" said a fascist as he burned a stack of books with the bookseller. "It's all the Jews' fault."
"Racists!" said a Zionist, looking askance at a Korean from Once. It's all the priests' fault, always meddling in things that don't concern them.
"Blasphemy!" said a bishop as he made needle eyes big enough for ten trotting camels. The blame for it all lies with the scientists who believe in the Big Bang and not in God.
"Wrong!" said a scientist as he designed a bomb capable of killing more people in less time, with less noise, and much more cheaply. It's all the fault of parents who don't educate their children.
"Infamy!" said a father, trying to remember exactly how many children he had. "It's all the fault of the thieves who won't let us live."
"You insult me!" said a thief as he snatched a chain from a pensioner and, in the process, threw her under the train. It's all the police's fault, with their quick triggers and abundant pizza.
"Minga!" said a police officer, first shooting and then asking questions. It's all the fault of the justice system, which allows criminals to enter through one door and exit through the other.
"Contempt!" said a judge as he patiently stitched together a file of more than 500 pages, which he would later unstitch again that night. The blame for everything lies with the military, who always believed themselves to be the possessors of the truth and the saviors of the country.
"Negative!" said a colonel as he ordered his assistant to prepare for good weather for the weekend. It's all the fault of the long-haired young men.
"You're crazy!" said a young man, demanding an explanation as to why you had to be able to read and write to get into college. It's all the fault of the elders for leaving us the country they left us.
"Liars!" said an elderly gentleman, proclaiming that nothing beats a good old world war to return to the good old days. The journalists are to blame for everything, because along with the news, they take advantage of it to smuggle ideas and their own businesses.
"Censorship!" said a journalist, while, with his fingers crossed, he prayed for the rape and murder that we experience every day. Imperialism is to blame for it all.
That's not true! (That's not true!) said an imperialist as he loaded a piece of territory onto his ship, including its subsoil, its airspace, and its people. The ones to blame are the sepoys, who allowed us to take even the cat.
"Falsehood!" said a sepoy as he marked the most profitable provinces on a map. Magoya is to blame for it all.
"Ridiculous!" said Magoya, used to these situations. "It's all Montoto's fault."
"Cowards!" said Montoto, who also knew a lot about this. It's all people like you who blame you for writing nonsense.
"Stop it!" I said, taking cover behind a mailbox. "I know who's to blame for everything. The Other is to blame for everything. The Other is always to blame!"
"That's it, that's it!" they all exclaimed in unison. The gentleman is right: The Other is to blame for everything.
That said, after shouting for a while, breaking some windows and/or paying for some requests, and/or attending some talk show on television (according to each style), we went home because it was already dinner time and because the culprit had already been discovered. As we left we couldn't stop thinking: What a son of a bitch El turned out to be. Other…!"
